Spreading Herpes to a Partner


I was dating a guy for about two months. Before anything sexual happened we had "the talk". He didn’t know anything about Herpes so I did my best to explain it to him.

He is a professional, well educated 48 year old man. I had been married for 10 years and also in a relationship with a man for 1 year that I’ve had unprotected sex with – both their choice. Neither of these men ever showed symptoms which made me feel better about not spreading it. Although I am fully aware someone can carry the virus and not show symptoms.

I was with this man less than ten times and he chose not to use a condom twice. The last conversation we had was him telling me he had contracted the disease and needed time to figure out how he felt about it.

Up to this point we had a very open honest relationship. I told him I’d give him the time and space he needed. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard a word from him. In the meantime I’ve decided that if he does want to continue the relationship I don’t think I’d be doing it for the right reasons. I don’t see a future with him.

I feel guilty, but also know I did my part telling him ahead of time.

Should I have done more?


I don’t know the extent of what you told him about Herpes, but you did tell him and he’s a grown up. He made his decision. He could have done more research on his own if he felt he needed more information.

Do you know if he was tested prior to you two becoming intimate?

How was he recently diagnosed?

Without knowing the answers to those questions, I have to wonder if he really did get a Herpes outbreak and if he did, do you really even know he got it from you?

It’s a shame you’re feeling guilty right now. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Obviously I don’t know if he would feel that you led him on–and I’m only talking about your feelings for him and the direction/duration of the relationship, not about HSV.

If there’s no major commitment, feelings change. I wouldn’t feel too bad about wanting to end it if that’s how you feel.

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