Dealing with Rejection

rejection

Question:

I recently started seeing this really, really great guy. All we do is laugh and I truly enjoy his company. I did the right thing, I had the talk the other night because he wanted to move things forward. This was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I had to tell him I have HSV2. He didn’t know what to say. He was actually very nurturing about it and I told him I was going to give him an option that no one felt the need to give me.

He was ok with it that night. Next night, not so much. I could hear the anxiety in his voice. He’s scared out of his mind and I don’t blame him. I assured him I am on suppressive meds and I told him of the stats about passing it on to a negative male. He’s still scared and doesn’t know if he can handle the thought of dealing with that every time we were together. I understand but it just sucks that he felt the same way I did and it’s hard for him to agree to continue a relationship with someone like me, who is infected.

My question, does the feeling of rejection ever go away or get easier? He’s the first I had to tell since I found out 2 months ago and I was sick to my stomach all day thinking of how I would say it. He really is a good person but I totally understand his fears which is why I said it’s ok if he wants to bail. I’d be frightened too.

Answer:

Sorry about your guys change of heart. Did you happen to suggest that he get tested and explain how common HSV-II is and how he could have it without knowing it? I completely agree that it’s anyone’s right to not want to take the risk, and he sounds like he wasn’t being rude about it to you. Unless he gets tested and knows 100% certain he is negative, it’s really like making a decision with only half the necessary information. And does he also realize then that he should be talking about STDs and requesting testing from any future potential partners to avoid this risk that he’s so nervous about?

Like I said, I understand that he’s afraid, but it’s illogical to only be afraid of YOU–the one woman he has encountered who is aware of her status and honest about it. If he’s not going to be proactive with future partners in order to continue trying to avoid HSV. That’s not even considering the issue of receiving oral from women who may or may not have oral HSV.

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